Flat surfaces, Hinges, and Mirrored Ceilings

When I was first married, my wife and I had a completely different concept of time. To be exact, we had a different idea of what it meant to be ‘on time’. My military background had taught me to be 15 minutes early for everything. On time for her meant up to 15 minutes late! I try not to hold her lack of military experience against her.

Over the years I have realized we also have a dissimilar opinion when it comes to flat surfaces. I believe flat surfaces have distinct purposes. For example, a bed is a flat surface made for sleeping. She, on the other hand, has a more general definition of purpose. For example, a bed is a place to sleep, or stack clothing, or lay out your earrings.

I keep telling myself that flat surfaces are a necessity of life. They are easier to walk on. Where would we be without flat surfaces? Chairs are really just a flat surface with legs. Without tables where would we eat or study? Without counter tops where would we make our sandwiches?

That’s where this whole thing got started in the first place. Flat surfaces in my house tend to be used for all sorts of unintended purposes. The counter top collects mail, and lunch boxes, papers, groceries, and dishes. It is very difficult to make a sandwich when there is no ‘open’ space left on the counter top – made for food preparation. This led to my statement that one day I was going to install hinges on all flat surfaces. This way I could easily raise said flat surface just the right amount to deposit unwanted material on the floor. Thereby opening up enough free space to make my sandwich (It all seemed very logical at the time).

I thought I had myself prepared for marital bliss until just the other day. I was attempting to rid the house of one more ‘stink-bug’ (Look them up on the web if you are unfamiliar with the term). While climbing on a stool to reach the ceiling, I spied the top of the refrigerator. In my defense, I thought my statement seemed innocent enough at the time. All I said was: “We should probably clean the top of this sometime.”

My lovely wife’s response was brief and honest. “I thought about that the other day and decided if I can’t see it – it doesn’t need to be cleaned.” I found myself in a real quandary. Do I attempt to lower all things in the house to a level of 5 feet or less? Do I have to lower the ceilings as well to keep things in proportion? That’s when I distinctly heard my wife say: “If you wanted me to see it, you would have to put mirrors on the ceiling.” She may have been joking, but I found myself intrigued by this solution.

So if you ever come to my house and happen to see me tip a counter top up on hinges…Look up…. you might just see yourself on the ceiling!

About Michael VanDerLinden

Father of five, Air Traffic Controller, Currently taking Seminary classes
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